Ed was so technical. He made everything look easy.
Not that I consider myself dumb – I work with technology all the time. Ed would say, “I can’t believe YOU are technically challenged” Well, if you don’t HAVE to repair something or do the necessary upkeep – it certainly can be a challenge. For instance our printer – Ed just installed a new color printer and now that I am using it, of course I needed to purchase and replace all of the color cartridges. Done!
The modem and phone and computer are still a little challenging – my plan is to document and label the step by step process to avoid further frustration.
Also on the list is the programmable remote control – while it is wonderful to push one button and everything will turn off or on to watch a DVD movie with surround sound – Ed did not find the time to program the CD player (I’m so much more a music person than a TV person). Someday, I will sit down and program the control.
Even the list of channels available on the TV – Ed had at least five different groupings depending on what was happening – somehow I have managed to have everything showing (even the Spanish selections – my girls got a laugh out of that one).
As I was walking out of work today, there were roses to be delivered. It instantly brought tears. Many tears on the way home. Ed didn’t ALWAYS send me roses, but he did enough of the times that it hurt to think there would be no roses delivered for me this year. I bought roses on the way home – for my Friday night widow party – there is excitement in the air!
On Thursday, I just was not feeling good at work – I kept feeling like I was going to faint. Some tingling in my left arm and chin…so I called my doctor and she said – you need to go in.
Shari came and got me and we went to ER – I knew it wasn’t a heart attack – but I really was thinking it might be a blockage. They asked me to stay overnight for some tests. They did the tests where they inject the radio active dye into me, wait an hour, go under the x-ray for 13 minutes – for a slice by slice picture of heart at rest. Then they inject more chemicals to really put your in a full workout – (they didn’t want me to go on the treadmill because of my left bundle blockage) – then another wait period – then another x-ray – after all of that – NO blockage!!
But as I was sitting in the bed, my heart did it again – where I was going to black out (thank you Lord!) so I told them, they were able to get the snapshot of what was happening. My heart was beating about 200 beats per minute! Arrhythmia – so I am wearing a heart monitor for 30 days. I have to follow up with the MN Heart clinic in two weeks and am also seeing my regular family doctor next Monday. I am very, very thankful that they found this. I knew something was not right…but just couldn’t tell what it was. They also started me on a new med.
Shari came and got me from work and stayed with me and then Sheila came and stayed up to 11 PM – Sheila showed up early today and spent the day with me – Shari joined us by lunch – so fun to have both of my girls with me.
One cool thing happened today – when I was getting my second 13 minute x-ray, the technician asked if I would like music – I said, sure, maybe light rock or light jazz, he said, I need a name of an artist – so I said, “Point of Grace.” He said his “pandora.com” would play the first song from Point of Grace and then look around for another song of the same venue. It was really nice. The third song started to play. It was “Give Me Jesus” – which we had sung at Ed’s funeral. I couldn’t believe it! It is not a song you ever hear on the radio. You are not suppose to talk or move during this procedure – but it caused me to say, “Oh!” They ended up having to do the 13 minutes over – there was a bleep on the x-ray. I was a little emotional earlier because I was going into the same area to have these x-rays as Ed had gone into for his draining of the ascites fluid. But for some reason, when I heard the words…”in the morning, when I rise”…I was not sad, it was more of a comfort, that Ed had been – where I was now …it made me smile.
Also on my wrist band – they listed the doctor on duty. His name was Jesus probably a Spanish fellow – but it also made me smile.
I’ve been working on the upcoming Women’s Retreat. March 12-14, 2010 at Mt. Olivet Retreat Center.
It is one of my LOVES. To plan, to organize, to create just the right atmosphere. This year our theme is, “A Spiritual Spa” – how cool is that? pampering for not only the body – but the soul. I’m looking through all my files of treasures – for stories, inspiration, and fun. Holy Spirit, Your presence is requested – Come, renew our souls.
We are so utterly ordinary, so commonplace, while we profess to know a Power the Twentieth Century does not reckon with. But we are “harmless,” and therefore unharmed. We are spiritual pacifists, non-militants, conscientious objectors in this battle-to-the-death with principalities and powers in high places. Meekness must be had for contact with men, but brass, outspoken boldness is required to take part in the comradeship of the Cross. We are “sideliners” — coaching and criticizing the real wrestlers while content to sit by and leave the enemies of God unchallenged. The world cannot hate us, we are too much like its own. Oh that God would make us dangerous!
Strong words from Jim Elliot. Many are probably too young to even know Jim’s story. Google him. Read about his dedication, love for the Lord and the sacrifice he made.
My all time favorite -
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
“I love you”
“I love you more”
“I know, but it’s true.”
and on and on we would go…laughing and ending with a kiss. This was just one of our little routines. Ed had a wonderful ability of finding just the right card. He must have spent hours looking because he would always give beautiful cards – with just the right words.
I recently found last year’s Valentine. It was a very simple card with two little puppies on front. On the front of the card it read, “I’ve got you and you’ve got me.” When you open the card it read, “I WIN!”
On Friday, February 12, I am inviting some friends over for the evening – dinner and a movie. The only requirement – to be a widow.
Devastating. Unbelievable. Unimaginable.
My daughter, Shari and I went on a missions trip in 1996 to Haiti – it was the poorest country then. Two-thirds of the country was without a sewer system – most of their trees had been cut down to make charcoal – and the smell was horrible. But the people…singing as they walked all night to come to our church service. One man walked three mountains to come for a massage. Thankful for whatever they had.
I was watching the news and saw a lady who had been trapped under layers of cement from a supermarket for six days without food or water. Her husband would go every day and continually call her name. When the bulldozers would stop after removing a layer of cement, the husband would run in and call her name again. On the sixth day she answered him. They still could not get to her – but she was alive. Just at this same time equipment arrived that allowed them to cut through the steel to get to her. First they passed her some water and then they worked for three hours to pull her from the cement. They asked her, “Did you think you were going to die?” She answered, “No, why would I think that?” Hmmm…if I was trapped for six days under layers of cement with no food or water, I would think I was going to die. Her comment is amazing to me.
It is a month today. As the world went back to normal after the holidays, my world didn’t.
I have wonderful support from my family, friends, coworkers…but it is still hard. One of my friends wrote me that “I would never be the same”. That phrase really made me think. Would “I” never be the same? or would my “life” never be the same? (You will notice that I am a “word” person – I love to find just the right word) Because I think that “I”, the true me, will be the same. I’ll be the same because of who I am in Christ…and He never changes.
I don’t mean to sound preachy…well maybe I do…
I am a Child of The King, God’s Child. I’ll talk more about my thought patterns later. How we think, our thought processes are KEY to being strong in the Lord.
As a family, we are planning on celebrating Ed’s birthday this Sunday with a cake and ice cream (and of course some pizza and Vikings) – doesn’t that sound like Ed?
As 2010 starts a new year, so it also starts a new life for me.
One without my honey for the past 39 years.
Ed “went on ahead” to Glory on December 16, 2009.
Throughout the last 15 months I have been logging the daily events on Caring Bridge. My friend, Syble suggested I start this blog as a way of continuing my journaling.
Here it goes. I have a lot to learn about the blog / web site – so please have patience with me. I’m not real sure how it all fits into the new world of facebook, twitter, and the good old fashioned email.
Hopefully it will be a place to come for encouragement, inspiration and laughter.
I would also like to offer a place for prayer requests.
Bear Tracks was a name we used in Canada for our monthly newsletter. We also bought the domain name for our emails at that time.
We all leave tracks through our lives – hopefully some of mine will be worth following.
Blessings on you!